Tags

, , , ,

Who am I?
 
It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. I can’t focus on what’s beyond myself without first finding out who I am. I’ve been working on fully embracing my identity – this reflective, sensitive, energy-filled, girly-girl who God created to walk the Earth in this space and time. It’s not about my dreams, my relationships, or even what the future holds. It’s not about the external. My journey this summer has brought my focus inward. Back to me. I’m uncovering the depths of my being so that I can see relationships and circumstances and life through a sharper lens. I’ve never experienced a greater discovery or clearer picture of who I am. It’s transforming.
 
Who am I?
 
ImageFor years, I tried to be someone I’m not. My mom has told me that I’m an introvert who desperately wants to be an extrovert. She’s right. I’ve beaten myself up for not being like the socialites I so wanted to become. I wanted to be the brilliant conversationalist who told hilarious stories and captivated a crowd. I would leave social situations feeling grumpy and inferior, when in fact, that was not the person I was created to be. I was not fully comfortable living into my own gifts and the personality God gave me . . . until recently.
 
I don’t want to try to be someone I’m not. It’s exhausting. If someone doesn’t respect the person that I am or make time to be with me, then I don’t want them in my life. Period. I’m not keeping a tally of the number of friends I can collect or relationships I have at the finish line. It’s the quality, not the quantity. And, I have some amazing friends who support me, the real me, and love me for me. Friendship shouldn’t be hard work, it should be a joint union. A mutual listening and speaking, smiles and tears, ebb and flow.
 
Who am I?
 
I am an ISTJ on the Myers-Briggs personality indicator. This is not the most common personality type, and yet several of my friends and my closest family members are ISTJs. I’m sure this is not by chance. I think we’re wired to surround ourselves with people who ‘get’ us….people who look at life and interact with others in a similar way. My ‘I’ on the Myers-Briggs is pretty strong. Without a doubt, I gain energy from my ‘cave time,’ not from social situations. I like to be by myself. I am most comfortable sitting in a quiet room alone with my thoughts.
 
On the flip side, I love being with others. Coffee with friends, game night with the fam, a night out with the girls…..these are all such precious, priceless gifts in my life. Quality time with those who are special to me is my love language and the most meaningful way others show me that they care about me. But, I do have a hard time balancing my social life with my alone time. If I have too much of one or the other, I feel off balance, like I’m losing part of myself. Finding that balance is a constant struggle for me.
 
Who am I? 
 
I have a hard time jumping in to a conversation. I either interrupt or I miss my opportunity. My timing is off. The conversation seems to naturally flow from one person to the next and I’m left reflecting on something someone three people ago shared.  Where’s the space for quiet and introspection? How can others gather their thoughts so quickly and effectively and be able to share so effortlessly?
 
But, this is me. When I do say something, people usually listen. They pay attention because if they know me, they know that it was been tossed around in my brain and thought out enough to make it share-worthy. I don’t speak just to be heard; I truly share with intention and after great thought and reflection.
 
Who am I?
 
I want to have a voice. I cringe at being the center of attention, but I still want to be noticed. I want others to understand and respect who I am. I crave words of affirmation and appreciation from those who are closest to me.
 
Who am I?
 
I organize my world. The last time I took the Myers-Briggs, my ‘J’ was at 100%. I definitely don’t thrive on disorder and spontaneity! I crave order and schedules and putting dates on my calendar. Waking up to my morning Google calendar email update brings energy and enthusiasm for the day ahead. I feel most fulfilled when I have a productive day that also includes some time just for me. 
 
Who am I?
 
I’ve always had more friends who are older than me than younger. I love the quiet confidence of those beyond my years. I learn so much from others and their experiences. Getting older is a blessing. With the passing of time, I’ve learned more about who I am and what makes me ‘tick.’ I’m growing more and more comfortable in my own skin. I continue to evolve into the person God created me to be. I am more comfortable and confident in being ME, and not what society thinks I should be. Each year of my life is my new favorite year. The ‘best years of my life’ are right now….in this moment….always.
Advertisements