Are we there yet?!
A common phrase. Cliche. I feel like I’m always working towards getting ‘there.’ I hear and say things like, “I’m almost there.” Or, “I’m not quite there yet.” But, I’ve been reflecting lately. Where is ‘there?’ How will I know if I’ve gotten there? What defines it? It often feels like I’ll never reach it. What if I do get ‘there,’ but don’t realize that I have?
What does ‘there’ look like? I’ve reached so many of the ‘there’s’ I’ve traveled towards. But at the same time, I feel as though I’m consistently walking blindly down an unfamiliar path. Getting ‘there’ seems impossible. Life and feelings and circumstances keep changing. My only constant is that God is with me and He loves me; everything else is a moving target. I want more. I want what’s out there.
I think God defines what ‘there’ is. It’s His ‘there’ that’s really all that matters. I think we’re wired to consistently work towards something, wrestle with something, want for something. I trade one want for another want. I move from one struggle to the next. I’m realizing that this is what life is. These are the lessons of trust and faith and grace.
“He knows we keep chasing other loves until we love him most. We keep spinning. We keep searching, restless. We keep missing all he has for us. He’ll always feel far away, drowned out by other louder rivers, until every other thing fades away and he becomes the only thing.”
Jennie Allen, author of Anything
Maybe I am ‘there.’ In certain aspects of my life, I have a great sense of accomplishment. I’ve been living in sameness for awhile; the pinnacle of what I’ve been working towards for many years. I have followed God’s direction and lead an extremely blessed life. It was through discernment and listening for His direction that I’m in the profession that I am, in the place where I live, and part of the church family where I worship. Working for these accomplishments has been hard work and a wonderful journey. But, even though I followed God’s lead, it’s been a journey where I’ve had things under control. I took God along with me, but didn’t consult Him very often. I praised Him and prayed to Him, but didn’t fully relinquish control on my path. It was a challenging journey, but a safe one. It was not impossible for me to handle on my own. It included challenges I could manage and burdens that did not overwhelm me. I’ve praised and sang and prayed and discerned and have lived into God’s will for my life. But, have I given Him everything so that he can do anything with my life? I don’t think I have.
We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Kinda takes the pressure off. God expects me to mess up. He wants me to mess up. He wants me to need Him. He knows I will never get ‘there’ on my own. Maybe that’s His definition of ‘there’ – – – to understand and acknowledge that I need Him. Perhaps, that’s when I truly get ‘there.’ I always believe that God has me right where He wants me. And, in this moment, I feel that I’m at a crossroads. Either I continue living in the sameness with ME in the driver’s seat. Or, this is a chance to not just take God along for the ride, but to truly hand over everything that I am, was, and will be.
I’m beginning to wake up from this slumber. I’m opening my eyes to a world that’s the same, but one in which I step into with shiny new shoes. I want to come out of this time of inward reflection and begin to breathe in the world around me. God wants me to focus on the journey – – – being present, showing love, receiving grace, living in joy – – – and to realize that I’m ‘there’ if I give everything to Him and trust Him with everything that I am.